


it's no secret, everyone knows

by Daecyan_Shikoba



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Minor Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Not Actually A Secret Secret Relationship, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 18:28:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18429677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daecyan_Shikoba/pseuds/Daecyan_Shikoba
Summary: it’s only a secret because they’re oblivious.





	it's no secret, everyone knows

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from jefferson airplane's _it's no secret_
> 
> fills my "secret relationship" square in the bucky barnes bingo

Bucky walks into the kitchen, fresh from the farmers market, canvas bag full of plums for him and peaches for Natasha, to find Steve and Tony bickering lightheartedly over some theater tickets sitting on the island beside them. He rolls his eyes at them as he carefully places Nat’s peaches on her shelf before putting his plums away on his own shelf in the refrigerator. When he turns around, folding the canvas bag up as he goes, Tony’s pointing at him.

“What?”

“I am going to set you up on a blind date,” he declares, and Steve heaves a sigh, smiling fondly. “Don’t worry, it’ll be a double with me and Steve, and it’s just to the theater. Steve wanted to see  _ Cats _ and I scored us some tickets from Jan, who’s been helping redesign their costumes to make costume changes quicker and easier, except she got me  _ four _ tickets.”

“...Right,” Bucky huffs, and shakes his head. “Sounds like quite the dilemma you got there, Stark, but you’re gonna have to find some other poor sap to set up with one of your scary socialite friends. I’ve already got a girlfriend.”

“You what?” Steve yelps and Tony makes a small, outraged noise.

“I’m in a relationship,” Bucky repeats, slowly, eyeing Steve and Tony with some concern. “I have been for almost a year.”

“That’s impossible,” Tony mutters, squinting at him.

“Gee, thanks.”

“Friends tell each other when they’re dating someone,” Tony continues, ignoring him. “Unless you’re in a secret relationship, which I doubt since Natasha would’ve figured it out immediately and told Steve.”

Bucky wonders if anything wonky happened to the both of them on the last mission they went out on. He doesn’t remember anyone mentioning amnesia. Or magic. Or anything else that would explain why they’re acting like they don’t have a clue what Bucky’s talking about. Or like Tony’s willing to risk Nat’s wrath by setting Bucky up on a blind date.

“Do we, uh, know her?” Steve asks, elbowing Tony when he snorts in disbelief.

Maybe, he considers, they’re fucking with him. “Yes?” he confirms, drawing the word out, and figures he’ll play along for a bit before getting someone to help him figure out what the hell’s happened to these two.

“Who is she, then?” Tony demands, and, really, Bucky thinks he needs to stop looking so goddamned skeptical, thanks.

“Nat.”

“ _ Nat _ ? Natasha?  _ Natasha Romanova _ ?”

“Is there more than one?” he asks, and shakes his head when Steve and Tony continue gaping at him. “What? Why do you both look so surprised? Actually, are the both of you alright, because you’ve  _ known this _ from the start.”

“No I didn’t,” Steve refutes immediately at the same time Tony hisses “ _ Did not _ .”

“Yes, you did,” he insists, and sets the canvas bag on the island before pointing between them. “You both have known. You both have interrupted us on dates more than once. Steve, I asked you for restaurant recommendations last week!”

“I thought you were just looking for something different to try!”

Bucky blinks. “Wait, what?”

“I wouldn’t call sparring a date, Frosted Flakes,” Tony says, then makes a face. “Ugh, god, that was  _ foreplay _ , wasn’t it?”

Steve flushes, eyes going wide. “That tube of lube wasn’t for a practical joke on Clint, was it?”

“No, it was for my ass,” Bucky snorts, and tries not to laugh at the face Steve makes. “Hey, you asked.”

“You coulda just said it wasn’t for a practical joke. I didn’t need any kinda hints about what you two get up to.”

“I dunno, Steve,” Tony says with a thoughtful little hum, eyes flicking over Bucky playfully. “Nat pegging Buckaroo? Seems kinda hot.”

“Tony, the only ass I care about watching take a cock is yours,” Steve says with an eye roll before refocusing on Bucky. “Does everyone else know?”

“I thought so, but now I’m not so sure,” Bucky huffs. “Jeez, you two really didn’t know? I thought you guys might’ve gotten on the wrong side of magic there for a couple seconds. Especially Tony.”

“Why especially Tony?”

“Magic isn’t real!”

“Because he said he was setting me up on a blind date, and if Nat had been in here she would’ve stabbed him probably?”

Nat, of course, chooses that moment to walk into the kitchen. “Why am I stabbing Tony?” she asks as she comes to a stop beside Bucky.

“You’re not!”

“Because he said he was gonna set me up on a blind date.”

Nat shifts, just a hair, an almost imperceptible change in stance, and gives Tony a narrow-eyed look that makes Steve step in front of him.

“In his defense, he didn’t know you and Bucky were dating until five minutes ago.”

The news makes Nat freeze, and there’s a quirk to her lips that Bucky knows means she’s three seconds from laughing in their faces. Tony makes a face at her, a little belligerent thing, and her mouth stretches into a proper grin. Bucky feels himself smile, and he turns to kiss the corner of her mouth.

“ _ Okay _ ,” Tony says, “okay fine, I believe you now. You aren’t trying to get out of going to see  _ Cats _ with some elaborate lie about dating Nat. She would never play along.”

“Thanks,” Bucky says flatly, “I’m so  _ relieved _ you no longer think I’m lying to you.”

“Told you public displays of affection make people uncomfortable,” Nat says to Steve with a little grin that makes Steve huff and roll his eyes.

“Well, that does kind of solve our problem,” Steve says with a little shake of his head a moment later. “Nat, Buck, would you like to come with Tony and me to see  _ Cats _ this weekend?”

Nat hums thoughtfully, meeting Bucky’s gaze with a quirk to her brow. Bucky wrinkles his nose a bit, then shrugs. It’d be nice to see Nat all dressed up, even if that means he’ll have to endure Tony dragging him to a tailor to be fitted for a new suit.

“I suppose we can do that. Bucky’s looking forward to seeing me all dressed up,” Nat answers, turning back to them. “He’ll even let you subject him to another trip to the tailors for it.”

“I’m not even going to ask,” Tony sighs, and slumps back against Steve. “They’re super sneaky assassins I shouldn’t even be surprised they managed to keep their relationship a secret.”

“It wasn’t a secret,” Bucky says with a shrug, and picks the canvas bag back up. “You’re just unobservant.”

“Whatever,” he mumbles. “I’ll be dragging you to that tailor appointment Wednesday, Snow Queen.”

Bucky rolls his eyes and carefully thwaps Tony on the top of his head with the bag as he walks by, following Natasha as she beckons him out of the kitchen. “I expect nothing less, tin can,” he calls over his shoulder.

“ _ Ugh _ ,” he hears Tony mutter, “ _ they’re probably gonna go have sex now. _ ”

“ _ Tony! _ ”

He doesn’t bother hiding his smirk as he follows Nat into the elevator and lets her back him up against the wall.

“What would you have done if we  _ were _ in a secret relationship?” she murmurs against his cheek.

“Told 'em they'd set me up over my dead body and walked out of the kitchen,” he answers, “then come find you to tell you about it so we can then have super hot sex where we reaffirm each other that I don't want anyone but you.”

“Ugh,” Nat huffs, and kisses the corner of his mouth before pushing away from him. “You're way too sappy, Barnes, we've talked about this.”

Bucky just smiles, and hits the button for their floor. He knows she likes his sap more than she'll ever willingly admit. And she knows he knows. 


End file.
